Deadpool's Witty Comments
by Lord Gambit508
Summary: Deadpool writes his comments on Rorschach's infamous journal
1. October 12, 1985

**Here is the result of severe boredom and sugar high**

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Rorschach's _So that's how you spell it! _Journal. October 12th, 1985. _because she's too preoccupied_

_Deadpool's Witty Comments! May 7th, 2009!_

Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. _That's where I left it!_This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face_. It looks a lot like that guy from Twilight_

The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. _Yay! Death to Splinter!_

The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists _mmm, foamy sex_ and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout 'Save us!' _Save us from fate, save us from hate, Save ourselves before it's too late_ And I'll look down, and whisper 'no.' _and I'll whisper, "Buy one get one free on shoes at Payless"_

They had a choice, all of them. _And they chose Twilight over Harry Potter_ They could have followed in the footsteps of good men like my father, or President Truman. _Wasn't he shot? _ Decent men, who believed in a day's work for a day's pay. _THEY WERE MEN?!_

Instead they followed the droppings of lechers and communists _I did that once, the communist lecher looked at me and asked me why I was standing in the bathroom….or was that Spider-Man?__ I can never tell the difference_ and didn't realize that the trail _The __Oregon__ Trail? I love that game! Especially when Wolverine dies of dystentry_ led over a precipice _It led over a wannabe dolphin? _until it was too late. _Star Wars: Clone Wars had already been released _ Don't tell me they didn't have a choice. _Well excuuuuuuuuuuse me, overly cynical antisocial extreme right-wing antihero for beliving in the total control of british guys who look like Rasputin and hate any movie based off their stuff_

Now the whole world stands on the brink, _the old Disney Channel movie? _ staring down into bloody hell, _Ooh! I love that place! _all those liberals and intellectuals and smooth-talkers, _Huh, reminds me of good old Weapon X_ and all of a sudden nobody can think of anything to say_._ _That's because I shot them!_

_Ah, that was fun, I wonder if he'll ever want to star in that sitcom with me? Ooh, look, I can see what I'm saying…………..HI MOM!_

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**I don't own Deadpool or Rorschach**


	2. October 13, 1985

Sorry for taking so long

* * *

Rorschach's Journal. _He wanted to put diary but he thought the other people would make fun of him_ October 13th, 1985

Soon it will be dark. _then it'll be light, then it'll be dark_ Beneath me, this awful city, it screams _for ice cream_ like an abattoir _Oh just say slaughterhouse like normal people do_ full of retarded children. _Oh yeah, we have to be PC for Disney now but DC can just call kids retards, fucking Bunny _New York. _Hey, I've been there_ On Friday Night, _Wasn't me!_ A comedian died in New York. _Oh….never mind, yeah it was_ somebody knows why. _You won't make me talk_Down there…somebody knows. _In the sewer? HEY SPLINTER, THEY'RE ONTO YOU! _The dusk reeks of fornication and bad consciences. _But mostly fornication_

I believe I shall take my exercise. _First, I shall do some sit-ups_ First visit of evening fruitless._ All they had was vegetables_ Nobody knew anything. _Knew I shouldn't have gone to a Miley Cyrus concert _Feel slightly depressed. _Better, post this in my livejournal_ This city is dying of rabies. _Well that's what you get for letting it near dogtown. _Is the best I can do to wipe random flecks of foam from its lips. _…That ain't foam_

I leave the human cockroaches to discuss their heroin and child poronography. _Plus they freak me out, being half cockroach and all_ I have business elsewhere, _like the moon_ with a better class of person. _Yeah, I'll talk to the naked blue god who gives people cancer_


	3. October 13, 1985 8:30 PM

After a long year wait, I'm back! Sorry for the delay...I kinda lost my copy of Watchmen...sooo anyway, I got a new copy and I'm ready to roll. Lol at word count

* * *

OCTOBER 13, 1985. 8:30 P.M.: _Oh, good, we can synchronoize watches_

Meeting with Veidt left bad taste in mouth. _He knows I don't like that flavor of gum. _He is pampered and decadent, _And decadently pampered to boot_ betraying even his shallow, liberal affections. _THAT MONSTER! _Possibly homosexual? _No, David Bowie is just a friend. _Must remember to investigate further. _Somewhere a fanfic was born _Dreiberg as bad. _ Hmm, I don't see him in the role_ A flabby failure who sits whimpering in his basement. _Well if you didn't lock him in there_ Why are so few of us left active, healthy, and without personality disorders? _You live in a Alan Moore comic _The first Nite Owl runs an auto repair shop. _ Hey, I know that place...it's not fireproof_ The first Silk Spectre is a bloated, aging whore, dying in a Californian rest resort. _ Ah, a woman after my own heart _Captain Metropolis was decapitated in a car crash back in '74. _Hmm, I take it invulnerablity wasn't a power of his _ Mothman's in an asylum up in Maine. _He currently publishes a new horror story every month _The Silhouette retired in disgrace, _She couldn't do a doggy _murdered six weeks later by a minor adversary seeking revenge. _Well, Alls fair in love and shadow puppets _Dollar Bill got shot. _So I should stick to coins? _Hooded Justice went missing in '55. _ On a random note, Uncle Jerry came back the next week _The Comedian is dead. _Oooh, I hope it's Rob Schenider _Only two names remaining on my list. _Okay, Abbot and Costello, let's do this _Both share private quarters at Rockefeller Military Research Center. _If they share it, it's not exactly private _I shall go to them. _Though I know not the way, damn Google Maps_ I shall go and tell the indestrucible man that someone plans to murder him. _Everyone trys to murder indesrtucible men, they have their own gameshow._


	4. October 13, 1985 11:30 PM

Yeah, these are going to becoming a bit faster than normal, so expect more in the upcoming weeks

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OCTOBER 13, 1985. 11:30 P.M: _Oh Great, Leno's starting_

On Friday night, _Okay this time I swear I was not invovled. Ask the hookers. _ a comedian died in New York. _Huh, I thought that was a daily occurrence._ Someone threw him out a window _Amateurs, I always throw them out the plumbing system _and when he hit the sidewalk _he bounced like a bunny _his head was driven up into his stomach. _No silly, he was always that short. _Nobody cares. Nobody cares but me. _And you wonder why there's slash fics_ Are they right? _Hey, take your politcal message out of my porno, er superhero book_ Is it futile? Soon there will be war. _And it would be good for aboslutely nothing, uh-huh _Millions will burn. _I'll bring smores! _Millions will perish in sickness and misery. _Just so I'm clear, this isn't the same million, misery doesn't mix with smores. _ Why does one death matter against so many? _Well, he had a name. _Because there is good and there is evil, _and then there's Deadpool_ and evil must be punished. _Yeah, punish that evil. Evil likes it baby_ Even in the face of Armageddon _Ignore the zit, ignore the zit_ I shall not compromise in this. _I ordered no tomatoes and they gave me tomatoes_ But there are so many deserving of retribution _Yeah, why hasn't Linkara got anything for not reviewing me yet_...and there is so little time. _ Oh please, ask the gay genius, he knows time travel. I assume. Probaly not. _


	5. October 16, 1985

Hey look, another one

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OCTOBER 16, 1985 _Happy Boss Day, the day we celebrate the Diana Ross song_

42nd Street: _ Hear the beat of dancing feet _Women's breasts draped across every billboard, every display, littering the sidewalk. _Ah, yes I forgot, the day it rained breasts, traffic was horrendous _Was offered Swedish love and French love ...but not American love. _Don't they know I need an American love to finish the set _American love; like Coke in green glass bottles _I'm not buying the world one though_...they don't make it anymore. _ Pepsi wiped them out during the Soda Wars of '84_ Thought about Moloch's story _Once upon a time, there were three bears _on way to cemetery. _ I needed something to think about, otherwise I might become sane_ Could all be lies. _I'm pretty sure he wasn't 34 _ Could all be part of a revenge scheme, _ Ah yes, the great method of revenge by storytime_ planned during his decade behind bars. _Only a decade? Geez, that's less time than the Matrix has been out _ But if true, then what? _spend the night with Porn and Rocky Road _Puzzling reference to an island. _Something about the tale of a fateful trip_ Also to Dr. Manhattan. _And his lesser known cousin, Mister Brooklyn _Might he be at risk in some way? _Well the FCC called about the whole naked thing_ So many questions. Never mind. _Never do _Answers soon. Nothing is insoluble. _See all you Mathematicians with your unsolvable problems, Rorschach says you're stupid _Nothing is hopeless. Not while there's life. In the cemetery, all the white crosses stood in rows, _ The black crosses were made to stand over to the side, crosses are very racist_ neat chalk marks on a giant scoreboard. Paid last respects quietly, _ At least I would of, but those beans did not sit well _without fuss. Edward Morgan Blake. _Went fishing on a lake _Born in 1924. Forty-five years a comedian. _He had a great stand up career _Died 1985, buried in the rain. Is that what happens to us? _No, some people are cremated _A life of conflict with no time for friends...so that when it's done, only our enemies leave roses. Violent lives, ending violently. _You could just get cancer or something _Dollar Bill , The Silhouette, Captain Metropolis...we never die in bed. _Well, except for Silhouette_ Not allowed. _The '74 No Dying In Bed Law forbid it_ Something in our personalities, perhaps? Some animal urge to fight and struggle, making us what we are? Unimportant. _How to write like Rorschach, ramble then say everything before isn't important _We do what we have to do. Blake understood. Treated it like a joke, but he understood. He saw the cracks in society, _Resiting Doctor Who reference _saw the little men in masks trying to hold it together_ the world is held together by midget harlequins?_...he saw the true face of the twentieth century and chose to become a reflection of it, a parody of it. No one else saw the joke. _I DID! _That's why he was lonely. Heard joke once: _Oh great, Rorschah tries comedy, _Man goes into doctor. _Is this a dirty joke? _Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. _ He turns into a spider and eats little children_ Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, Doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. _No… wasn't _Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. _Streak on Bass Guitar _Curtains _Lacy, gently wafting curtains_


End file.
